"Do not be anxious about anything...."

We all know that bible verse right? If not, it goes something like this:

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I think I need to tattoo this verse on my forehead, so every time I look in the mirror I see it. Why is it so easy to forget and get worked up about something? God has never let me down. He never will. But over and over again I forget that. I'll be honest with y'all. I have that "I'm going to do it myself" attitude more than I should. That's what lead me in the situation I'm writing about right now. 

Charlie and I have been looking for property for 4-5 months, so not very long. We really would love to get 3-5 acres (more if we could afford it, but land out here is CRAZY expensive) of build-able land to build a house, or a fixer upper with land. We'd prefer to have a new house because fixing up an old house is hard work. It's a constant thing you have to mess with since your house is a bijillion years old. 

We've looked at 4-5 houses in the past few months and none of them were right. Too close to the road, not enough property, the house was being held together by duck tape and bubble-gum, too far from family, etc. So when our dream house with our dream property popped up we went to look at it right away. I just knew by the pictures that I was going to love it, and I was right. The house needed some work, but every thing about it was exactly what we had on our list:  Almost 10 acres, backed by a creek, two bedroom farm house with three bonus rooms up stairs, massive 1100sq barn with electric, up a gravel road, 20 minutes from Charlies family. You get the picture. The house had been on the market for two days and when we showed up there were already two couples there. We knew this place would go fast, so we had to act fast. We still needed to get pre-approved for a loan, and in all honesty we should have done that weeks ago, but we didn't. Our realtor suggested that we put in an offer and then get pre-approved. She said that with Charlies income and the fact that we have little debt (just our mortgage) that it shouldn't be a problem. She said that we would most likely be approved. On the way home charlie and I talked about what we wanted to do. Of course we wanted this house, it was everything and more. But putting in an offer not knowing for sure if we would get approved was not something that we were willing to do. Something about it just didn't seem right to us because that meant putting in an offer, not having the money, and not knowing for sure if we would even be approved for the money. We really believe that every thing we have is Gods: The kids, our house, every thing. This house we were looking at would be His. We always want to try and make sure that every thing we do is fair and honest, and His will, not ours. 

But here comes human nature: I was stressing out. I was anxious. I wanted this house. How could it not be the one? That night we got online and found a VA lender and submitted the paper work. We had to get this stuff figured out FAST because Charlie was leaving for drill in one day and we only had ONE day to do this. We needed to put an offer in on this house. The next morning I woke up, checked our email, and found out that the house already had two offers; one in cash and the other a loan. I heard God telling me to "Let it go". What?! Let the house go? Let what go? I tried calling the VA and my phone wouldn't even ring. It wouldn't even ring, guys. I tried again. It wouldn't call out. In frustration I turned it off and back on. Then we got an email with this massive list of stuff we needed to send to get pre-approved. MASSIVE LIST. Bank statements, W'2s for the last two years, pay stubs over the last 40 days, etc. All the things that just give you a headache thinking about. Charlie was at work and it was pretty much left up to me to get all this stuff together. Well, at least that's what I told myself. I was getting impatient and cranky because I was trying to do all these things and take care of kids and I could tell they were picking up on my moodiness. But I still couldn't let it go. So after trying to print off papers (the printer messed up and wouldn't print them out right) I tried calling the VA again. At this point it was 1pm and the kids were down for a nap. I could tell I was already struggling to keep it together by this point. When the guy answered the phone I asked him if I could have our mortgage statement papers. He said he couldn't give them out. I said I didn't understand since it was our house and our mortgage (hasty much? Not a proud moment). He said something like this "WELL, I've been doing this for 30 YEARS, so I think I know what I'm talking about......whats your mortgage number again...?!" I instantly broke down into tears and hung up the phone. Thank you 37 week pregnancy hormones. I went and sat on the bed and tried to call Charlie. He didn't answer. I looked up and saw a sign that I had hung on our bedroom wall that said "He makes all things beautiful" and I wanted to cry more. Buying a house is not beautiful, this is just awful (dramatic? maaaaybe a little).  I finally talked to Charlie and I was still crying. I couldn't believe that guy was so rude. Ok, I don't think he was as rude as I thought, but it sure seemed like it at the time. Charlie very sweetly told me to stop worrying about it,  not look at emails or do anymore paper work stuff. To just let.it.go. The exact same thing God told me to do that morning, but I didn't listen. Instead of "letting it go" I decided to spend my day being cranky, frantically trying to do-it myself, and not trusting God in any of it. And look what happened. Remember that bible verse I mentioned earlier? Well here's the second part:

" And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.:

So I let it go. And you know what happened? I felt peace. 100% peace. I took the kids on a bike ride and really enjoyed being around all the chaos. 

I haven't heard if the offer went through on the house. I'm trusting God with all of it. Who knows what could happen? I'm choosing to listen to that voice that tells me let things go. Next time I start to let myself get worked up like that, I'm going to ask myself if I'm truly giving it to God. 100% trusting in Him. Or at least making an effort. I'm sure I'll have another moment like this, but that's human nature. Thank God we have His grace to get us through. And here's a picture of my kids because they are just.that.CUTE.